i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
