pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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