after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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