saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
