sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
