i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
