I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
