If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my shit smells like andre
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
