i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
