TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
