dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize