Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
