ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
