My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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