its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
