I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And then my night got REAL pukey
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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