the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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