I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
