cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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