i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
