All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
