The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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