I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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