Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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