Only a mothe r could love this liver
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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