last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
