It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
