I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Damn victory sex feels great
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
