at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
