that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
