wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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