my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
