this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
