took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
