Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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