Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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