this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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