If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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