then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
