The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
