Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize