you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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