whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
