I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
