my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
