I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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