Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
