Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
