He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
