I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
