Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize