i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
