i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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