we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
