hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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