I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
