This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
