i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
