hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize