i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
