I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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