You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
