I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
