DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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