Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
