I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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