If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
