drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
