she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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