I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
