I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
