Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
