Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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