Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
