I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
