im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
