I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
