I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wish there were birth control emojis
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
