well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
nutella sex= disaster
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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