Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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